you just got me naked…;p

i’m here without you baby but you’re still on my lonely mind… i think about you baby and i dream about you all the time…:’c

erm… pano ko ba isstart tong message ko… erm… feeling ko ito na ata ang pnkmtagal na 3 days ng lyf ko…;p hehehe… i won’t bit around the bush nymore, miss n miss ko n c vinny… hai… i miss him so much and i never missd him lyk this… nung vacation nman kc we still manage to text each other and talk on the fone… pero today, wala tlga… yesterday before he left he woke me up at 4 am though i really hafta get some sleep… i was damn tired coz of the fld3p the day before and test ko rin sa uste that day… but then again, ayko nmang umalis xa ng di ko man lng xa nkakausap… so kahit bangag pa ko cge lng…;p hehe… ngaun, grabe nangungulila na tlga ko…;p hehehe… yah that’s the term, nangungulila… gawsh nman… mei bkas pa… hai… nakakamiss na tlga xa… lam mo ung feeling ng mei ktxt ka buong araw… mei nggugudmorning, nangangamusta, nkkpgharutan kht sa text… at eto pa ung malala, ngugudnyt sau… lam mo ung dmi pang sasbhin sau before maggudnyt… dmi png kachorvahan…;p hehe… hai… asar tlga… pero aus lng… i hope he’s safe… i know he’s having the tym of his lyf… kya i’m happy for him… miss ko lng tlga xa kya ngddrama ako ngaun… naku kung fed up na kau sa ‘vinny stuff’ dito sa blog ko sorry…;p hehe…wla lng… kya kung sawa na kau just don’t read my blog…;p teehee… hmmm… one thing also came to my mind habang wla xa… naicp ko kc… kung 3 days nga lng ng wla xa nangungulila na ko eh… 3 days lng ng d xa mkausap, d mktxt at d mkta… pano p kya pg lyftym na?! waaaaaaa… asa pang kkyanin ko un…:’c hai… i’m very much looking forward sa wednesday… hai… i miss vinny… un lng…:’c

hai… ano b yan i started with a sigh n nman…;p hehe… bsta… wla lng… it’s already 10:30 in the evening and i still hafta do my hws… but then i decided to write something muna on my blog since mtgl n rin ako di nkpagpost… until now, the word ‘routinary’ is still bangin in my head…;p hehe… che kc eh… well i agree… i also feel the same most of the tym cherryl… i go to skul then i eat then i do my hws then sleep then go to skul, eat, do my hws, sleep, go to skul… whew… seems like i can’t breathe nymore… wla lng… but i deem i enjoy my life a lil better than you do… hehe… seems like you really hate your lyf?… oh well that’s sad… and that sucks…

hmmm… i dunno but since i got home i already have this feeling of ‘pagsasawa’… nkksawa n ang lyf… pra bng you always have to keep up with things na mnsan di k na aware your lyf has already passed you by… gets mo ba?… bsta… un na un… i’m tired…

dmi kong pnproblema, inaasikaso and all that… wla lng… mdlas iniimagine ko pano kya kung pmnta ko sa isang place pra naman mkpg-icp ako and get closer to myself… i need a break that’s it… feelng ko i’m a puppet na gglaw kung saan ako gstong pglwin… prng gnon?… bsta… hai… i’m not sad… ngddrama lng ako kung bkt gnto ang aking life…

erm… cgro this is the reason why i ADORE fridays… grabe tlga… feeling ko wlng problma at wlang dpat asikasuhin… at sobrng sya tlga though nkkpgod nga lang paguwi… but nyway mas ppliin ko nmang mpgod ako physically ksa nman sa kakaicp ng mga dpt gwin… it’s ridiculous pero mdlas i ask my sister, “ate pano kya kung wag n ko pmsok forever?”… “pano kung wag n ko gmawa ng hws? bhla nang mpgltan?”… but i just can’t… no i can’t… hay…

speaking of the school thingy, hai… okei lng sna kung super happy kso nde… how i miss my CNA kada… i miss tin-tin and jackie… i miss my darwin family… more than i do with my pauling kada… to be honest… wla lng… i miss the three of us in the canteen tuwing mei vacant which happens to be our math period… i miss eating only with jaq during lunch tym… at times ori so fat eats with us… i miss eating green mangoes with sugar and soy sauce…;p hehe… hai… how i wish i cud turn back time… how i wish i’m with my CNA kada…

but no… it ain’t because of my ‘new group’… quite frankly i’m happy being with ren, xe, chikay and espexally er… pero wla lng… i just wna reminisce… i just wna be honest with how i feel… i feel so emoxonal ryt now and i just dunno y… i hate being emoxonal but can’t help it… hai… lawrence will be goin out on friday… sna mging happy…Ü tweet and i will be goin out on 21… and i’m very much lookin forward to it goodness… i miss tweet… i miss being with her doin our ’suicide-sucide-an’ game…;p hahaha…

i also think that the other reason why i am not happy today is because i’ve seen vinny for a while lng… from 7 am to 6 pm being in skul, mgththree pm na kmi ngkta… i even thought he was absent and even prepared my speech when i get home and call him, tell him why he didn’t even text me and blah blah blah…;p haha… do i sound like i’m his mother?! not really…;p teehee… wla lng i hate missing sumone and i hate missing him the most!!! and wyl i was eating at the canteen with chikay and xe sumone covered my eyes… axis and vin do that most of the time and i knew it was hunny when i touched his arms… there’s something different between marvin jay’s ‘balahibo arrangement’ compared with jon alexis’…;p haha… wattaword… bsta un na un…

ai nku it’s getting late na… 12:30 na… nku i hafta do my hws already pg nlate ako mmya d n ko papapasukin for the whole day… cge byerz!…;p

hai naku… buhay nga naman… i was supposed to review ngaung araw for my test tomorrow… pero i can’t miss this opportunity to write how i feel… grabe… knna ang aus ng pkrmdam ko… putang ina kc… PUTANG INA tlga… di ko n kyang icontain nrrmdaman ko… bkt kc nakakagago mga tao sa plgid eh… SHIT tlga… i HATE feeling this… grabe… ang sama lng tlga ng loob ko ngaung araw wla akong mpgsbihan… wla akong mtkbuhan kya dito ko nlng idadaan… ang hrp tlga mging middle child… ndi nila ko naiintndhan putang ina… ayko umiyak wla rin namang mngyyri kht ilang beses ko p cla iykan… ppkta ko lng n mhna ako kya hangga’t kya ko ayko umiyak sa hrap nila… kya dito nlng ako iiyak sa hrap ng pc… dto nlng ako mgllabas ng sama ng loob ko s knila… dito nalang ako mgssbi kung anong nafifil kong sabhin… ayko mging expresiv sa nrrmdman ko galit man ako or wat… basta PUTANG INA… grabe na lumalabas sa bibig ko pero shit kc eh… ayko tlga mgsbi nian pero di mbbwasan sama ng loob ko ngaung araw na to hangga’t di ko yan nssbi ng ilang beses… bkt ako hndi naiintndhan pero cla plgi nlng… ako nlng kc lgi ung mali pra bang feeling ko sa isang bond paper matuldukan lng un ng ballpen ung tuldok kgad ung mkkta… putang ina… nakakainis gsto ko ng kumawala… pero ayko gwin… di ko kyang gwin… gsto ko cla murahin ng ilang beses… di ko alam kung ano bang dpt na itanong… BAKIT AKO NGING GANITO o BAKIT CLA GNON… i know i have my faults pero sna maicp nila ung knila… sna kht mnsan marealize nila na HINDI na ko msya kht pa msaya cla… putang ina… y do they have to control my life?… kung ico2ntrol lng inla buhay ko better not call it MY life dahil never nging akin un… never akong nging masaya sa buhay ni bnbgy nila sakin… cgro pra sa mrmi masasamaan skin being this girl, being this type of daughter pro grabe n kc… di ko mailabas ung emoxons ko s knila… sna ndi na maipon p to… di ko na kaya tlga… seryoso… di ko n kya tlga… better yet, sna tumigil na lng cla… kc nakakaPUTANG INA… nakakaPUTANG INA tlga… sna lng ngaung tym n to mismo mei pngsasabihan ako ng sama ng loob ko… hindi lng ung pc kc di naman xa ngsasalita… kso ayko na… ittgo ko nlng to sa sarili ko… at sa knug cno man ang mkkbasa nito… kc tlgang nakakaputang ina… tlgang nakakaputang ina tong sitwaxon ko… khit cnong taong mabait mgsasawa rin eh… di ako mabait and i know that for a fact… pero sna intndhn din nila ko… hndi laging AKO ang iintndi… anak lng ako… wala akong krpatang mgsalita… wala akong krapatang mgdisagree… ano pa bng ikakaputang ina ng buhay ko… sna ikaw, sa ngbbasa nito, wag sayong gwin to ng mga taong mahal mo dahil kahit na mhal mo cla, dadating at dadating ung tym na mgsasawa ka at hahanapin mo kung saan k ngkulang kht na feeling mo gngawa mo na ang lhat pra mpsaya cla kht wla nmang tlga clang pkielam… nkakaputang ina tlga… hai… ayko na…